Modern Family Season 3: Episode 23: “Tableau Vivant” “My senior year, I had a pretty crazy night myself involving a bottle of corn mash and an overturned plow.” Finally, an episode that gets to the heart of the American family: FIGHTING — and I’m not talking about the Oscar nominated Channing Tatum film of the same name. I’m talking about the jealousy, lies, confrontations and bickering that are at the center of any well-rounded...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 22: “Disneyland” “I haven’t been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.” Guys! So much synergy in this episode right? Modern Family is a show on ABC and it shot at Disneyland WHICH is owned by DISNEY which also owns ABC. If it wasn’t for all the product placement in the Avengers, I would say that Modern Family just made product placement its...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 21: “Planes, Trains and Cars“ “I wanted a car like this since I was a kid. I used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some Hall and Oates, maybe horsing around with mister microphone.” Normally this is the paragraph where I do a little synopsis of the episode for you. I’m not doing that today because there’s really only one thing worth mentioning … THE RETURN...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 20: “The Last Walt” “Mervis isn’t a name, Mervis is a sound.” This week’s Modern Family was a smile-a-minute grinfest. I smiled my ass off! I honestly could not control my smirks, people in the other room were like, “Matt, stop smirking so loud, we can’t hear ourselves think!”. I hope you enjoyed my smart alecky way of saying that everyone’s favorite small screen family was nothing more than...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 19: “Election Day” “No she feels great. Her spirits are high, the whole family is high! There’s your headline.” It’s Election Day for Claire! And even though her campaign has been littered with scandal, the entire family gathers to support our girl. Everything goes perfectly, everybody comes through for her and she wins by a landslide. I’M JOKING, we get all SORTS of hijinks. It’s not television, it’s comedy...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 18: “Send Out the Clowns” “I am a clown. It’s who I am. If you squeeze me, do I not honk?” Have you guys filled out your brackets yet? If not, you better! We are smack dab in the middle of March Madness and you only have to pick the beneficiaries of this year’s blowouts, buzzer-beaters, upsets, and Cindarella stories,...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 17: “Leap Day” “It’s happened. Satan’s trifecta. The day I most dreaded on the day I most love.” Happy Leap Day! This quarter-annual holiday (created by 30 Rock) is more than just an extra day in February, it’s also our beloved Cam’s birthday because having a birthday every year would be just SO not Cam. What else do we get this episode? I’m so glad you asked! We get PERIODS! LOTS AND LOTS...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 16: “Virgin Territory” “She’s like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings.” So Haley Dunphy is NOT a virgin. I am SHOCKED. And by that I mean, I’m not, at all, not even a little. Why? Here’s why: she’s super hot (not weird, Sarah Hyland is legal. Relax Chris Hansen), really popular and most importantly a TEENAGER IN 2012! Of course she’s had sex, Phil and Claire...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 16: “Aunt Mommy” “She has super good hearing, like a seeing eye dog. They have over developed hearing to make up for the fact … Wait, the dogs aren’t blind. Wait are they? No that wouldn’t make sense … “ This episode really struck a personal chord with me (NOT the vaguely incestual part). I’ve never felt as close to fictional characters as I did watching Aunt Mommy. What...
Modern Family Season 3: Episode 15: “Me? Jealous?” “Yep my grandma Bitsy’s secret recipe! Given to her by her housekeeper Delilah, who raised her and was her best friend. Kind of like “The Help” except Delilah was white and was actually, herself, quite the racist.” Did you see the title of the episode? Are you good at inferring things? If your answer was no, I will happily spell it out: This episode is all...
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