House of Lies Season 1: Episode 12.”The Mayan Apocalypse” “It’s fuckin’ over. What we need to do is we need to get hammered and fuck the shit out of some interns. Can I get an imminent demise!?” – Clyde After an relatively uneventful season (read: how much more gratuitous sex can we take?) I finally get why the merger is bad. It’s because everyone except the cream of the crop, i.e. the old people who have been around...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 11: “Business” “If you fellate me, I will change my vote.” – Skip I think it’s safe to say this has been a relatively uneventful season — aside from the sexcapades and throwaway one liners from the peanut gallery that is Doug and Clyde — nothing much has happened. Fans of the show have had the looming merger plot building for weeks now, and we finally got a...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 10: “Prologue and Aftermath.” “Men will do anything for the unconquered pussy.” – Jeannie After two solid weeks of nothing but bathroom humor filler plots, we’re finally getting into the thick of the motives behind Marty, Monica and Jeannie. Clyde and Doug continue to act as suited up versions of Tweedle Dee and Dum. It’s nice for the show to take a break from focusing on the finance-crisis-of-the-week-that-nobody-cares-about...
House of Lies. Season 1: Episode 9: “Ouroboros” “I think I ODed. I’m over D-ing.” – Doug The ouroboros. The fancy, cryptic way of explaining cyclical behavior, especially in kind of ironic, incestuous cases — like Galweather being out-Galweathered by another agency. Yup. The consultants are getting consulted. Finkel is Einhorn. My brain exploded when they explained it. Whatever. So that’s basically this entire episode. The Galweather group is practically shitting themselves over being...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 8: “Veritas” “Marty, why are you here? I thought you said you’d rather get jerked off by Edward Scissorhands than come to this thing.” The Galweather Gang (yes, still Galweather. How much longer are they going to milk this merger plot line?) is at some annual circle jerk of Harvard Business School (more like Harvard Bull Shit, amirite?!) grads, and they have to go around picking their favorites...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 7: “Bareback Town” “Is there a line you won’t cross?” – Jeannie April, the resident escort with a heart of gold, is still hanging around. You know, the one from 90210? And that new twee Greta Gerwig movie. I guess something about Marty’s inevitable many, many STDs really gets April going, the driving force of this episode is a bet between the two of them: If Marty can...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 5: “Utah” “When in Rome, bitches!” – Clyde The guys are off to Utah for three days. That means three days of no booze, no sex, and being polite to the Mormons. Two weeks in a row of good behavior? First it was minor Roscoe, and now it’s Mormons. Happy, wholesome, sober Mormons. OH, THE MORMONS! At least that’s what Marty & Co. think at first. But leave...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 4: “Mini-Mogul” “Frisco’s got the best food trucks. I’m so ready to try some street meat!” – Roscoe “Don’t say Frisco. Only losers say Frisco.” – Marty This episode steered clear of any plot progression on the Galweather/MetroCapital merger, but that’s probably for the best because nobody cares about any of that stuff. You know what we do care about? Roscoe! SO. MUCH. ROSCOE. Marty’s dad was off...
House of Lies: Season 1: Episode 3: “Microphallus” “I am all about family. I personally don’t have a family anymore, so you — you all will be my new family.” – Greg Norbert Greg Norbert is back this week, and causing oh so many problems for the fearsome Galweather foursome by announcing that MetroCapital will be acquiring a management consulting team — specifically their team — full time. Which means no more hopping around...
House of Lies Season 1: Episode 2: “Amsterdam” “I like to be kissed when I’m getting fucked.” – Some throwaway character. Things heat up a bit this week, as we learn more about the fast-talking foursome that makes up Galweather’s (apparently they do work for a firm) best, and by best I certainly mean most annoying, team. From what I understand, being good at management consulting means you have to be able to talk...
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